I thought a lot about you today. You woke me up last night, kicking me in the back. That's OK, I don't mind. I feel like I have been walking on eggshells. I want to be excited for you to get here. I want to imagine bringing you home. I want to envision your smile, your wondering eyes, your little hands and feet. Trust me, I would rather think about all of that than to think about where we will lay you down, and in what casket. Some defense mechanism keep me from daydreaming about all the happy days we might have. Today, I let in one thought that maybe you are that one-half of one percent (or whatever it is) that has a false positive or that your case isn't as severe as others and you will be fine. I am not a superstitious person, but it is as if me thinking about those happy times will keep them from happening. I can hear you saying, "You're silly, Daddy." I know. I'm working on it, OK? What I can say with certainty is that there has never been a father who loves his daughter more than I love you. As Paul Simon says, "As long as one and one is two . . . woo-hoo."
So, you have about five weeks left to grow in there. Can you believe how quickly time has passed? I actually wonder how time passes for you. I mean, there is no clock for you to read. I bet it is getting a little crowded in there though (I hope, because that means that you are getting big). Sit tight little one. Mommy worries that you are not as safe in there, near the due date. I know better. There is no one on earth (me included) who could take such great care of you. She has a sacrificial heart, and she will do and has done absolutely anything and everything she can for you. She amazes me every day. I just hope you get to feel that love from the outside. If not, I know you can already feel it.
I love you little girl,
Daddy
PS Please feel free to wake me any night.
Dear David, I just want you to know how inspiring your Letters to Lily are. Being I'm not a Dad, but a mother. I wish all Dad's could read your letters, you have explained so well....fatherhood. You have been blessed with great strength from God, you and Jill were blessed with this strength for a reason, we're not supposed to understand. I have all my friends praying for you as well as me. PS. Dear Special, little Lily, Please keep kicking your Daddy whenever you want!
Linda,
Thank you for the kind compliment. It's funny that when we feel the most vulnerable, the weakest, others think we are strong. I certainly don't feel strong (nor does Jill). That, I guess, is what they mean by quiet strength. I wish you the same peace if you are also dealing with this.
Dave-