Hey little girl. We have been busy getting ready for you to enter the world. Some of the things have been bitter, but most have been sweet. The sweetest of all was getting to see you all grown up at the ultrasound yesterday. It was great to see you smile, stick out your tongue, and even growl. It's so hard for me to see you on there and not get my hopes up that everything will be "normal" after your delivery. You are smaller than you should be, and you may have something going on in your little brain, but you seem so active. It's baffling. People say, "Watch. She'll prove everybody wrong." God, I hope so. But in my mind, I know that you are like a loaf of bread with double the salt. You can use the best oven, but it will still not come out right. The funny thing is that I would open my arms wide for a baby that was not normal. I just hope that you had that little talk with God, like I suggested. I hope he hears all the prayers everyone is saying, and he lets you stay with us for a long, long time. Only time will tell. That's the problem, though -- the unknown. I'm excited though. I will not let fear rob me of my joy! Do you hear that? No matter how much it may hurt, I will not drown out this emotion just to feel safe.
I watched a very inspiring movie the other day -- August Rush. I hope you heard it -- felt it. It is a story about how music is the tissue that connects all of us. In your honor, I have put a couple of the songs on my playlist. I was fascinated by the little boy's relentless search for his parents. Everyone told him to give up. The odds were to great, yet he believed. He had no doubt that he could connect with his parents with the music that was living inside him. It is one of those movies that allow you to believe in the impossible. I was touched. I was able to set aside my scientific mind and believe that maybe . . . maybe. Get some rest and keep growing strong. You have a great journey ahead, my girl. Just follow the music coming from my heart. I will find you.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
Daddy
PS Here is one of my favorite poems, alluded to above. It will let you know just how much I love you.
Love Sonnet XVII
I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.
David, such a wonderful poem! I so enjoyed watching Precious Lily so active in her home, looks like she is such a strong little girl. Yes, you and Jill have quiet strength through this journey of love together. I am praying so hard for Lily to give you the joy you deserve for however how long God will let her. Miracles do happen, I know from experience! I just pray this will end up being a big one! God Bless you, Jill, Lily and your family. God Bless, Lynda and Terry